


The Lost Boy

by alycat



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:08:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3344756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alycat/pseuds/alycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck with writer's block, Jensen has been hoping for a breakthrough. He never expected that would mean coming face to face with his own characters, and having to solve the mystery he should have been writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the awesome artwork made by [expectative](http://expectative.livejournal.com/), please go look at the [Art Masterpost](http://expectative.livejournal.com/55840.html)  
> Parts of the story was inspired by the movie [Gone Baby Gone](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452623/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1).

**Prologue**

The blinking cursor at the top corner of the otherwise white screen was mocking Jensen. There was just something about that small symbol combined with the blankness of the page that taunted him and Jensen sighed, slamming the laptop shut and getting up, walking out of his study without a backwards glance. 

Two months of writer's block and Jensen was starting to despair. The calls from his publisher had gone from once a month to at least once a week and Jensen was fast running out of excuses to give. He walked out into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water before making his way to the living room. The big windows gave a wonderful view out over the city skyline. Or at least they would if Jensen ever pulled the blinds but he didn't and the apartment was gloomy with the lack of natural light. He couldn't find it in himself to care. It wasn't as if anyone ever visited and called him on his hermit behavior. 

Just as he sat down on the couch, opening the bottle of water, the phone rang out and Jensen groaned, pressing the bottle against his forehead as he waited for the answering machine to catch it. He wasn't surprised when his publisher's voice rang out in the otherwise quiet apartment. 

_Jensen? Pick up the goddamn phone. I know you're there. You're always there. We need to talk about your book. You have a deadline, Jensen. A fucking deadline and I've only seen the first few chapters. So pick up the fucking phone before I show up on your doorstep and take the bloody chapters straight from your computer. Are you listening to-"_

The words were cut off by the machine and Jensen sighed, putting the water bottle aside and staring up at the white ceiling above. 

If only Jared could cooperate, Jensen wouldn't have such issues with the words he put down on paper. But for being a figment of Jensen's own imagination, Jared was a stubborn son of a bitch. The story Jensen had planned out didn't pan out and Jared refused to let Jensen know what should happen next; instead he spent hours upon hours trying to find his plot again but for each minute he struggled it seemed Jared moved further and further away. 

Jensen didn't understand it, not when it was the fourth book Jensen had written about Jared and the crimes he always found himself investigating. Jared was a part of Jensen and he thought he understood each facet of his character but now Jared refused to work with him. Any person who thought Jensen created the characters and story was wrong. Jared felt as alive as Jensen himself did, and Jensen couldn't write the story if Jared wouldn't tell him what should happen. 

"Why are you being such an ass about this?" Jensen asked into the silence of his home. "Have we not done this for over five years now? Jared, help me out here."

The muse remained silent and no words Jensen spoke into the silence made the story come to life. Jared refused to speak to him and for each day that passed, Jensen felt like his subject drifter further and further away from him. 

"Such a bastard," Jensen sighed, opening the bottle and taking a few deep gulps before he slid down until he lay sprawled out on the couch. 

He loved Jared, loved every part of the character he had spent so many years with but at times he really wished he had chosen some other character to write about. A part of him thought about calling up his publisher, telling her that she could forget about more books about Jared but then he thought of the missing child he had decided that Jared would save. Character or not, Jensen couldn't just leave Ricky like that, he needed to give the story an ending no matter how hard it was.

-¤-

Jensen stared into the emptiness of his cupboard - stale bread and a dried-out jar of peanut butter wasn't much to make dinner with and he sighed, closing the door and taking a step back. He knew he had to go outside but he couldn't say he was looking forward to it one bit. But maybe he needed a change of air, a few hours away from the apartment and the computer that kept filling him with guilt. 

Walking back to his bedroom he ignored the copy of _Four Sons_ that lay on his bedside table. He thought he could feel Jared reach out for him and Jensen wasn't up to dealing with Jared and the man's lack of cooperation. Quickly he grabbed his keys and a jacket from the closet before walking back out, hesitating at the front door. 

"Get a grip, Jensen."

He pushed the door open and walked outside, humming low under his breath as he waited for the elevator and he couldn't stop drumming the tips of his fingers against his thighs. It wasn't that Jensen was agoraphobic, not really. He preferred his own apartment to places crowded with people, but he did venture outside. The elevator ride down was fast, and soon Jensen stepped out into the bright sun of the day.

-¤-


	2. Chapter 2

The smell was wrong.

For some reason that was the first thing that struck Jensen as he opened his eyes, struggling to remember where he was but his mind was nothing but a haze of fragments and none of them made sense.

Every part of him was aching.

That was the second thought that came to mind and Jensen soon realized why as he found himself laying on the ground, asphalt hard beneath his body and the stench of garbage and other things he didn't want to think about surrounding him.

"What the hell?" Jensen mumbled, struggling to get up only for nausea to set in and he stumbled to the side.

His knees almost crumbled beneath him as he leaned against a cold, unforgiving brick wall and threw up until he could taste the bile at the back of his throat. The added stench didn't exactly help to make Jensen's belly calm down and he dry heaved a few times before he managed to take a few deep breaths and step away. Looking around he found himself in a deserted alley with no idea how he ended up there.

The last clear memory he has was stepping out of his building, bright sunlight meeting him and then it turned into shattered fragments of sound and smell that didn't really fit together into anything real.

Jensen stumbled as he made his way out of the alley, leaning against the wall before he managed to push away the queasiness and stand up straight. The street in front of him was unfamiliar and Jensen couldn't understand what was happening but he stopped, staring at the people walking by and he wasn't sure what he should be doing. Looking down on himself he saw that his clothes were the same ones he had put out before he went grocery shopping, although they were a lot dirtier than they had been then. Looking back over his shoulder Jensen saw nothing to explain as to why had had ended up there, or where _here_ even was and looking up at the street name on the wall above him told him nothing.

"No," Jensen mumbled to himself, reading the name once more.

The street name _did_ ring a bell, but it wasn't a bell that made sense and Jensen blinked several times, hoping it would look like something else but the letters remained the same. It wasn't a street he had ever visited, but it was a street name he had written several times. It was a street that Jared had walked more than once.

Jensen backed into the alley once more, not caring the weird look he got from passers by and he leaned against the wall, pulling in deep breaths as his mind struggled to wrap itself around what was happening.

While he had based Jared's town on his own, knowing the layout of it perfectly, Jensen had changed all the names and it didn't make sense that he was standing on that street. He couldn't be standing on that street, it was impossible. Still struggling to understand anything, Jensen felt the weight of his phone in his pocket and he fumbled it out, staring at the little symbol that told him he had no coverage.

"But I'm in the middle of a city," Jensen mumbled, shaking the phone a few times even though he knew it wouldn't help. "What the hell is happening?"

Jensen shook his head, trying to clear his mind but he still couldn't understand what was happening. Looking down at himself once more he tried to brush away the worst of the dirt, but he knew he needed to get home, get changed and have something really strong to drink. Or he wanted to simply wake up.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The sudden voice made Jenen jump slightly, phone falling to the ground and he cursed low under his breath, kneeling down to pick it up before he turned to face the person that had startled him.

"I'm sorry," the woman said, glancing at the phone in Jensen's hand. "Did it break? I didn't mean to startle you."

There was something vaguely familiar with the woman, but Jensen couldn't place it as she walked closer, concerned frown on her face. Jensen looked down at the phone on his hand, its screen cracked but considering it hadn't worked before he couldn't really find it in himself to care.

"It's okay," Jensen said slowly. "It was broken already. I'm just…"

He drifted off into silence, wondering how he'd be able to explain something he couldn't even begin to understand himself and he swallowed, shaking his head slightly.

"Sorry, I'm a bit confused," Jensen said. "I'm Jensen and I honestly have no idea where I am."

A perfect eyebrow raised up and the woman looked back towards the busy street behind her and then at Jensen once more.

"Where you are? You're in an alley off from Franklin Avenue."

"In Woodridge?" Jensen asked, wincing at how weak his own voice sounded.

"Well, of course," she said. "And I'm sorry, where's my manners? I'm Danneel."

If she said any more, Jensen couldn't hear it over the rapid beating of his own heart and the rush of blood in his ears. Danneel couldn't be standing in front of him, because she wasn't real. She was one of Jared's best friends and Jensen had created her. Had created Woodridge and Danneel couldn't be standing in front of him, she couldn't.

"Jensen?" Danneel said, walking closer and she was everything that Jensen had ever imagined her to be. "Did I say something wrong?"

"I need a drink," Jensen mumbled.

To his surprise, Danneel moved forward, taking him by the arm and almost dragging him out of the alley and down the street. Jensen stared at the stores they passed, each one of them familiar to him even though they shouldn't be and he was oddly sure of where Danneel was taking him even before she pushed open the door to The Beanstalk and led Jensen inside. Jensen had never experienced anything as surreal as walking into the coffee house he had written about, taking in all the ways it was as he had imagined it, as well as all the ways it was different.

The scent was overwhelming, warm aroma of coffee wrapping around him and Jensen inhaled deeply, allowing it soothe some of his frayed nerves. There were differences, because Jensen had never known every inch of The Beanstalk and for some reason it was those differences that made it that much more real to Jensen and he stumbled over to a table and almost collapsed down on a chair.

"Katie?" Danneel called out. "I think we need a coffee here. Make it a double shot."

"You don't need to-" Jensen started to protest but Danneel silenced him with one look and Jensen gratefully accepted the coffee cup as it was pressed into his hands.

"I'm sorry," Danneel said. "I wish I could stay but I got to be at work in ten minutes. I do hope you'll feel better soon."

Jensen nodded absentmindedly, thankful for her care but his mind spinning with too many thoughts and by the time he looked up she was long gone. He wasn't aware how much time passed as he sat there, watching people move around and taking in every part of his surroundings. It wasn't home, it wasn't his town and the voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him how wrong everything was but he had no idea how to deal with things. The dregs of his coffee had gone cold by the time the bell above the door chimed merrily and Jensen looked up, his breath catching in his throat as he looked at the man walking inside.

Jared.

The cover for _The Lost Boy_ lay on Jensen's desk back home, finished even though the book wasn't but the artist's drawing didn't really do Jared justice. Jensen took in the broad shoulders and the hair brushing the collar of his shirt and he couldn't tear his gaze away. Whatever had happened to create the illusion Jensen found himself in, and he was really starting to consider the possibility that he’d been drugged, Jensen found himself in awe of his own character.

"Welcome, Mr. Padalecki," Katie greeted, a warm smile on her lips as Jared walked up to the counter.

"How often do I have to tell you, Jared is quite enough," Jared answered and the smile was obvious in his voice.

"Your usual?" Katie said and from the way she looked at Jared, Jensen was sure he wasn't the only one entranced by Jared.

"Please," Jared said with a nod, turning and leaning back against the counter, gaze drifting over the room.

Jensen didn't look away in time and he saw Jared raise an eyebrow as their eyes locked and he could see appreciation glimmer in Jared's eyes. For some reason it was the first time Jensen truly considered Jared hot. He had known it, in the back of his mind, each time he wrote the character and there was a reason that he made sure that Jared had sex in each book he wrote but it was completely different actually seeing it for himself.

"Your Americano, Jared."

Katies words made Jared look away, turning back toward her as he paid for his drink and Jensen looked down at his own cup of coffee, moving the cup until it created a swirl of black in the bottom and he forced himself to look at that.

"Hello, may I sit down?"

Jensen startled at the sound of Jared's voice right next to his table and when he looked up he was met by a dimpled smile that made Jared look more youthful than Jensen had imagined him. Looking around the coffee, Jensen saw that most tables were taken, but there were a few still free. Jensen nodded numbly, watching as Jared sat down across from him.

"I've never seen you around here," Jared said, smile still in place. "I'm Jared."

Jensen managed to swallow down the urge to respond _Yes, I know_ and he cleared his throat, taking another sip of mostly cold coffee before he met Jared's gaze.

"I'm Jensen."

Jared's smile turned softer, inviting, and something in Jensen's belly fluttered to life. He wasn't sure how long they sat there, looking at each other in silence before Jared looked away, focusing on his own drink.

"I don't do this," Jared said suddenly, making Jensen jump slightly.

"Do what?"

"Sit down with hot guys," Jared admitted with a shrug. "There's just… I don't know, something made me do it."

There was a weird thought crossing Jensen's mind then, thinking that maybe the reason Jared was drawn to him, was because Jensen had created Jared.

"I don't either," Jensen admitted, wrapping his hands around the cup and shifting closer to where a radiator emitted heat out into the café.

"I work at a bookstore just around the corner," Jared said, sipping his own coffee. "Well, part time. I do other stuff on the side."

Once more Jensen had to bite back on the words that wanted to come out and instead he reached for the sugar, adding some to his coffee and to his own surprise he found himself smiling at Jared. No matter how weird things were, it still felt _amazing_ to sit across from the person he had spent so many hours thinking about. No matter how many problems Jared had caused him lately, he was still at the very core of Jensen's life.

"I'm a writer," Jensen said, pretending to drink even though his coffee was empty. Anything for an excuse to look away for a moment.

"Oh, anything I might have read?" Jared asked, leaning forward slightly.

That made Jensen's eyes go slightly wide and he shook his head harder than was really called for. Jared took it in stride though, smiling wide enough to make his dimples flash.

"I don't think so," Jensen said, focusing down on his coffee cup. "It's...uhm, non-fiction."

"Oh," Jared said, a slight wrinkle to his nose. "Yeah, sorry, then I probably haven't read it."

"Told you," Jensen said.

It was surprisingly easy to talk to Jared, even with Jensen having to be careful what he said and Jensen wondered if it was because he knew Jared so well. He was all too aware, though, about the state of his clothes as well as the fact that something was very wrong, something that had placed Jensen in a world where he didn't belong

"I'm sorry," Jared said suddenly, looking down at his watch. "I need to get back to work. I'm late already. It was really nice talking to you. Really."

Jensen barely had time to react before Jared quickly drained the last of his coffee, standing up and smiling at Jensen.

"Look, can I have your number?"

"I don't have a phone," Jensen said and he saw Jared's smile slip. "No, I mean, I actually don't. It's broken. Dropped it earlier today."

"Oh," Jared smiled, pushing a hand down his pocket and coming back up with a small card. "Here. You know, if you get a new one."

He was out the door before Jensen could say more and Jensen looked down at the card, taking in the _Jared Padalecki - Private Investigator_ printed on it. Jensen put it in the pocket of his jeans, wondering if he would ever find a reason to use it or if he'd just end up back where he belonged as suddenly as he appeared in Jared's world.

"Can I get you a refill?"

Jensen jumped slightly at the voice breaking through his thoughts, looking up to see the barista he had talked to earlier standing right next to his table.

"Oh, thank you er...Katie," he said, knowing full well that he couldn't even afford a coffee. "I'm...good. Thank you."

Katie's head tilted to the side, her long dark blonde ponytail falling down over one shoulder. With a little shrug she stepped closer, coffee put in hand and despite Jensen's protests she filled it up to the brim.

"It's a bit cold outside," she said, ignoring anything Jensen tried to say. "Just let me know if you want more coffee, stay as long as you need."

"Why?" Jensen asked quietly, not wanting to drag attention to himself from the other people in the café. "You don't need to… I'm not a charity case"

A small smile spread across Katie's face and she pushed aside a stray strand of hair from her face. She looked around the café quickly before leaning in closer.

"You're a friend of Dani," Katie said quietly. "She's my girl; if she brought you here and paid a coffee she did so for a reason. Besides, everyone needs a helping hand at times."

"Thank you," Jensen said, knowing better than to turn away someone who offered help.

-¤-

Jensen looked back over his shoulder, watching Katie through the window as she wiped the tables clean. All he wanted was to go back inside, lean back in the seat and hope for sleep to come but he knew that wasn't an option. He picked up his phone from his pocket once more, sighing when saw that it was dead to the world and he had no idea how to get a hold of anyone that could help him. Pushing his hand down into his pocket he found a few coins but he pushed them back down again, sure that the old payphone down the corner was just as broken as it was in the less-than half finished manuscript in his computer.

Suddenly he remembered something from previous books and he took off in a run, passing closed stores and cosily lit apartments. He almost tripped as he rounded a corner, feet sliding on a discarded newspaper but he managed to balance himself up again. Jensen's lungs were burning by the time he reached the train station and he looked around, trying to find a payphone. There should be one there, barely used but hopefully functioning since the time he wrote about Jared using it in _Four Sons_.

"Excuse me," Jensen managed to gasp out when a woman walked by. "Is there- oh god- is there a payphone around here?"

The woman looked him up and down, surprise on her face but then she smiled and pointed.

"It's on the side over there, I'm even pretty sure it's still working."

"Thank you!" Jensen said with heartfelt sincerity, half-running before she had even stopped talking.

"Can I help you?"

He heard her voice behind him but he didn't stop until he reached the phone, lifting up the receiver and breathing out a sigh of relief at the dial tone. Putting a few coins in he dialed the first number that came to mind, ignoring the flash of hurt of that being the number to his editor.

_"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."_

Jensen frowned, staring down at the phone in his hand before trying again, with the same result. He hesitated for a moment before dialing his parents’ number, breathing out a sigh of relief when the call went through.

"This is Margareth speaking."

"I...what?" Jensen choked out. "I'm looking for Donna. Donna Ackles."

"I think you've reached the wrong number then, there's no Ackles living here."

"I've...yeah. Sorry."

Putting the phone back on the hook Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, listening to the sound of the coins dropping down. For some reason he had clung to the hope of being able to reach someone able to help him and not even meeting Jared had managed to dispel him of it.

"Fuck," Jensen groaned, leaning against the cold, damp wall on the side of the phone. "So stupid, so fucking stupid."

Angry tears burned behind his eyes but he forced them away, slowly making his way back the way he came and by the time he walked past The Beanstalk it was dark and locked. Jensen didn't really know where he was going, wandering slowly down the street until he reached the small park at the end. He knew where he was and he looked over to the place where Jared and Chad had been having their pivotal discussion in his first book.

With a groan Jensen sat down on a bench, leaning forward to hide his face in his hands as he tried to slow his breathing down. He was tired, exhausted, and he didn't know where he could go in a world that wasn't his own. It felt odd, knowing where people lived, what they did for a living and their dreams and hopes and yet he was sitting alone on a bench, clock inching towards midnight and nowhere to go.

The park was dark and deserted and Jensen lay down on the bench, ignoring how cold it was and hoping that maybe he would at least be able to catch a few hours of sleep. Maybe some sleep would help him figure out how he was supposed to get back to his own world. He could hear the faraway sound of cars, a door slamming in the distance and a dog barking as he slowly drifted off into a restless sleep. The cold seeped into his dreams, weighing him down and he wasn't sure if the Jared he was dreaming of was the one he had written about or the one that had smiled at him over coffee.

"You there. Sir? You can't sleep here. Wake up."

Jensen cried out in surprise, flailing as he almost fell off the bench before strong hands wrapped around his arms, keeping him in place.

"Jensen?"

Slowly Jensen became aware of his surroundings, eyes focusing in on Jared's surprised face before a cold dog nose pushed against the side of his face and a long, wet tongue swiped over his cheek.

"No, Harley! Down!"

The dog whined but took a step back, tail eagerly waving back and forth as he looked at Jensen and Jensen found it easier to focus on the animal than its owner. With a groan he sat up, ignoring the ache in his back and stiffness in his limbs as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"You've got a dog?"

He couldn't hold back the surprise in his voice and when he looked up he saw a small frown mar Jared's face. _His_ Jared didn't have a dog and for some reason that difference was all he could focus on.

"Yeah," Jared said slowly. "This is Harley. But, more importantly, why are you sleeping on a park bench?"

A wide array of excuses rushed through Jensen's mind, each one of them being discarded as soon as they popped up because he knew there was no way that Jared would fall for it. Instead he swallowed thickly before standing up, cursing the few inches that forced him to still look up at Jared.

"I have nowhere else to sleep," he admitted. "I only have a few dollars on me and no way of getting more."

He saw Jared frown once more, looking Jensen up and down and no doubt taking in the state of his clothes, something what would have been mostly hidden under the table when they had been sitting in the coffee shop and he wondered just what Jared must be thinking of him. The smell surrounding him wasn't exactly pleasing; a night on a park bench not helping after having woken up in an alley somewhere impossibly wrong.

"What happened?" Jared asked, taking a step closer.

"I…" Jensen started but he had no idea how to go on from there. "It's just…"

 

"Nevermind that," Jared said quickly. "Fuck, you must be freezing. My friends would call me an idiot for even thinking of this but, please, come home with me? I live close by and at least you can have a shower, warm up some. I might even have some clothes that fit."

"No, Jared, I can't," Jensen protested but it was weakened by the chattering of his teeth as he realized just how cold the morning was.

"Of course you can, come."

Jensen found himself dragged along, Harley between them and sometimes the dog pushed against his leg and each time he did, Jensen reached down to move his fingers over soft fur. With his hand resting on Harley's head he looked up, catching Jared watching him with an unreadable expression on his face before he looked away. They walked in silence and Jensen was grateful for the lack of questions he would have no idea how answer. By the time they reached Jared's small but well-maintained house, Jensen was all out shivering with cold and he wondered how he'd thought that sleeping outside in early November was an even remotely good idea.

"Jesus fuck," Jared said as he unlocked the front door and ushered dog and human inside. "The shower is second door down the hallway to the right, there are towels in the cabinet inside. I'll get you some clothes and then we'll talk. Just, get warm."

Of course the shower was the second door. Jensen knew the layout of Jared's place but walking through it where were so many small details that made it different from the little house Jensen had been writing about. Stepping inside the bathroom Jensen locked the door behind him, leaning back against it and pulling in a few deep breaths. In the small room he could clearly smell the aftershave Jared must have used before he took Harley out, a deep fragrance that seemed to wrap around Jensen and for some reason it helped him settle in to the reality of what was happening.

He stripped out of his dirty clothes, folding them together neatly and putting them on the toilet seat before stepping into the shower. The first splash of water against his skin was shockingly cold, making Jensen's breath catch in his throat before it was slowly replaced by something warmer. Turning the dials Jensen made the water warm enough to turn his skin pink and he wasn't sure how long he stood under the spray before he finally felt warmed through. Only then did he reach for the soap, lathering up and scrubbing the dirt and grime from his skin. He rinsed off and repeated the action until the hot water wasn't the only reason his skin turned pink. Finally he started to feel clean, something that grounded him a bit more and he got out of the shower stall, grabbing a big towel and rubbing himself dry.

"Are you done in there?"

Jared's voice made Jensen startle, dropping the towel to the floor and backtracking in his mind to make sure he had actually locked the door

"Uh, yeah," he confirmed.

"Good," Jared said. "I'm leaving some clothes outside, they might be a bit big for you but at least they're dry and clean."

Jensen was about to protest, but one look at his own clothes and he realized how stupid that was; there was no way he could put those clothes back on and he wasn't sure that a wash cycle would be able to save them from the trash.

"Thanks, I'll be right out."

He waited until he heard Jared's footsteps retreat before he unlocked the door and reached outside to grab the pile of clothes. It felt weird putting on someone else’s boxers, but he pushed that thought aside in favor of pulling on the long sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants that Jared had left him. Jensen was by no means a small man, but the pants pooled around his bare feet and the shirt felt loose around the shoulders. He rolled the sleeves up before grabbing his old clothes and going in search of Jared.

"I'm in the kitchen," Jared called out. "Figured you could use some food. Wanna get your clothes clean?"

"Please," Jensen said and before he could think it through, he walked into the kitchen and over to the door he knew led to the small laundry room.

Only when he opened the door did he feel Jared's eyes on him, a confused frown on the man's face and Jensen was glad that his skin was pink enough already and the flush wouldn't be that obvious. Jared walked up to him, taking the clothes from him and going through the door. Jensen watched in silence as Jared put the clothes in the washing machine, adding detergent before starting it and turning back towards Jensen.

"Sixth sense for finding your way around strange houses?" Jared asked, an edge of tension to his voice and Jensen knew he had to say something, some kind of explanation.

"Lucky guess," he said quickly. "My parents’ house reminds me of this one and I think I went on instinct."

His parents’ house looked nothing like Jared's, but the explanation seemed to be acceptable as Jared shrugged and walked back to the stove where tendrils of steam were starting to rise from the soup. Jensen followed him back into the kitchen, sitting down at the table and watching in silence as Jared stirred the soup. The kitchen was homey and from what Jensen had seen, it was the room in the house that was the most different from how Jensen had imagined things when he wrote.

"It's nothing special," Jared said, putting a small bowl of soup down in front of Jensen on the table. "It's just some potato and leek soup, but I think it'll help you feel warm soon enough."

"You're too nice," Jensen said, resting one hand against the outside of the bowl and letting the heat of it travel from the palm of his hand all the way through his body. "You don't know me from Adam, why are you doing this?"

"I guess I'm just a decent human being," Jared said with a small shrug, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah, I think you are," Jensen mumbled so low he wasn't sure that Jared actually heard him.

"Are you gonna tell me?" Jared asked once they had finished most of the soup, Jared even refilling Jensen's bowl and adding a slice of bread to his serving.

"I don't have a home," Jensen admitted, not bothering with trying to stall. "Its something that happened very recently and…"

He wasn't really sure how he would explain it, not when there was so much he couldn't tell Jared, and even if he did he was sure that Jared wouldn't believe him in the slightest.

"What went wrong?"

 

Jensen's gut clenched in fear as he struggled to come up with an answer, but then Jared shook his head and sighed.

"Shit, that was insensitive of me," Jared said, pushing away from the table and grabbing their abandoned bowls. "You don't have to answer that."

The silence between them felt heavy and Jensen felt he needed to say something, anything, to get them past that moment but he had no idea what. To his relief Harley came into the kitchen right then, walking past Jared and pushing a wet nose against Jensen's leg. The distraction was more than welcome and Jensen leaned down to run his fingers over warm fur, smiling when Harley pushed up to lick a wet stripe up the side of his face. When he looked up at Jared he saw a wide grin on the man's face and Jensen was sure that no matter what he wasn't telling Jared, he would be trusted as long as Harley accepted him.

"He's a sweet pet," Jensen said, scratching Harley behind one floppy ear.

"He's not always the brightest one," Jared laughed, his voice warm with affection. "But he's the best dog I've ever met. And he seems to like you."

"Not so bright then," Jensen said with a self-deprecating smile.

"Look, I have to go to work," Jared told Jensen with a sigh. "I have to open the store in thirty minutes."

Jensen looked around the kitchen and nodded, standing up before he realized that his clothes were still in the laundry and he wondered if Jared expected him to leave in the borrowed clothes. While Jensen's own clothes were torn up and had very much seen better days they would be warmer than what he was wearing at the moment.

"Stay."

The word was sudden and when Jensen looked over at Jared he could see his own surprise mirrored on Jared's face.

"You're letting me stay?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah. I think I am," Jared said, words coming out slow and hesitant.

"Am I a charity case?" Jensen asked, but he did so with a smile to take the edge of the words.

"I have no idea what you are," Jared said with a headshake. "But I think I want to find out so please, do stay? I’ve got the store and then a case I'm working on but I'll be here in the evening. There's food in the pantry. Just...don't…"

Jared frowned, biting down on his lower lip but Jensen thought he knew what Jared had been close to saying and in all honesty he probably would have had the same thoughts had the roles been reversed.

"I'm not going to steal anything," Jensen said with a laugh. "Look, you've been nothing but kind and I'm grateful. I'll be here when you get back. I might even make dinner."

"Right," Jared nodded. "Yes. That'd be…great. Okay. I'll just, go. At least with soup for breakfast I don't think I have to worry about lunch. I'll see you tonight."

All too soon Jensen found himself alone in Jared's kitchen, Harley half-asleep in the living room and the cloudy skies outside shrouding the room in shadows. Jensen cleaned away the leftovers of their breakfast before walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch. Harley lifted his head up from his paws, looking over at Jensen before going back to dozing off.

"This is where I should figure out what the hell is happening," Jensen mumbled to himself, the problem was he had no idea where he should start.

He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the couch, staring at the blank TV in front of him but when Harley got up and stretched, yawning wide, it was enough to make Jensen stir as well. Getting up he stretched his back, wincing when he heard it pop and he walked over to where patio doors lead out to a fenced-in backyard.

"C'mon, Harley," Jensen said. "I'll let you outside."

The dog eagerly went past him and Jensen watched him run around the yard, wondering why the version of Jared he was staying with had a dog when it was never something Jensen had even considered for his book character. _His_ version of Jared wasn't even a dog person. No matter how much Jensen tried, he couldn't make sense of the two versions of Jared and how they fit together, nor the reason Jensen was in Jared's world. With a look to make sure Harley was still playing around, Jensen looked around the living room before he walked over to an open door, peering inside and seeing a home office inside.

Jared had been nice to him, taken care of him when most people wouldn't and Jensen was sure that whatever connection they had went both ways. That didn't stop Jensen from wanting answers and he crossed the threshold, looking at the papers littering the desk.

Some of them were about case Jensen was sure that Jared had already solved but some of them were things he had never planned on writing about and it was another thing that threw Jensen.

"Who are you?" Jensen mumbled to himself. "And how the hell do I get back to where I belong?"

-¤-

"I guess this means you didn't cook dinner?"

Jensen's eyes felt gritty as he blinked the sleep away, finding Jared hovering above him with a smirk on his face.

"You have so little faith in me," Jensen mumbled. "There's lasagna in the fridge, just waiting to be heated back up."

Jared's couch wasn't the most comfortable thing to sleep on, but compared to the hard ground of the alley or cold of the park bench it was the best sleep Jensen had been given since he arrived in this messed up reality. Jensen was back in his own clothes, slightly torn but at least they were clean and the borrowed clothes from Jared lay folded up in the laundry room. If Jensen had money, he would've bought new clothes but it was one of many options he didn't have.

"This looks awesome," Jared said when he picked the dish out of the fridge. "It's been a while since someone cooked for me."

Jensen wondered if anyone had cooked for Jared since he and Genevieve had broken up, and then he found himself wondering if Genevieve was someone this Jared had ever been with. Every moment he spent in Jared's world gave him a headache with trying to figure out what was happening.

"I haven't cooked for anyone in quite some time either," Jensen said with a shrug.

In all honesty he hadn't cooked for anyone since the day Matt had walked out the door, taking with him a lot of Jensen's savings as well as his ability to trust. At least he hadn't taken Jensen's ability to write and in the end he was grateful for the small things.

"I have a case I need to work on this evening, but first I need food," Jared said, putting a portion on each of two plates and putting the first in the microwave.

"It must be hard," Jensen said, leaning against the kitchen table. "Working all day and then, the cases you work. You ever thought about doing it full time?"

 

"No," Jared said, taking the first plate out and putting the other in instead. "I need the bookstore. The stuff I see with the other work? The bookstore is the good thing in my life, the other stuff I do because I can't _not_ do it. People need me to do that job. And besides, it's both jobs that keep me living in a swanky place like this."

Jensen couldn't stop himself from laughing, looking around the house. _Swanky_ was far from the best way to describe Jared's small house, even if it was a nice place. It sure was a far way from the way Jared had grown up.

"Compared to the trailer park, this is almost a castle," Jensen said just as the microwave beeped.

It was only when the word were out of his mouth that Jensen realized just what he'd said and he froze, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a few deep breaths before he looked over to where Jared was staring at him.

"What did you just say?" Jared asked in a strangled voice.

"Shit."

"What the fucking hell did you just say, Jensen?" Jared said, voice turning stronger and the anger was obvious in his voice.

"Look, I can-"

"No," Jared interrupted. "Who the hell are you?"

A thousand answers flashed through his mind, neither of them a way to make Jared believe him. Jared's anger was coming off him in waves, cold fury in his eyes and Jensen decided that there was no point in coming up with some wild excuse, not when honesty would be even wilder.

"I'm an author," Jensen said, holding up one hand to keep Jared silent. "And the books I write? They're all about you."

Jared opened his mouth, frown on his face and Jensen waited for the man to say anything. He watched as Jared shook his head, as if he was trying to clear his mind, before taking a step back and covering his eyes with one big hand.

"Are you absolutely insane?" Jared asked. "There's no one writing books about me, I would know if there was. So, who the hell are you? Why were you at the café yesterday?"

Jensen took a few steps away from Jared, walking back and forth across the tiled floor and he could feel Jared's gaze on him the entire time.

"I don't know," Jensen said honestly. "This? This isn't where I belong. I have written more than one bestseller, and yet, if you Google me you'd find nothing. I tried."

"How the hell do you know about the trailer park?" Jared asked stiffly.

"Because I wrote about it!" Jensen cried out, knowing full well that there was no way he would be able to explain things to Jared when he himself had no idea what was happening.

"Get out."

Jared’s voice was cold, strong arms crossed over his chest and there was no understanding behind his cold gaze.

"Jared-"

"No. I don't wanna know what the hell kind of freak you are," Jared spat out. "I want you out of my house, and if I see you again I'll call the cops. Got it? And you fucking better not have stolen anything. Get the hell out of my house, you goddamn liar."

Jensen hesitated for a moment but when Jared took a step forward Jensen decided it was better to leave than be thrown out and he sighed, walking towards the door. Harley looked up from his place by the couch, looking from Jensen to Jared and then back to Jensen again. The dog that shouldn't exist, in a world Jensen had created and that still was so very wrong. It all made him hesitate, one hand on the door handle and he looked back over his shoulder, seeing Jared standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I know a lot about you," he said quickly, watching Jared's face darken in anger. "I wrote about you. I wrote about what happened to Chad and all of that. I know about Genevieve and about the time you broke your arm falling from a ladder when you thought you could fix a leaking rain pipe. I know about the time you and Chad got into a bar fight and the one and only time you shoplifted something. I've written about you for years, but it's not you. And I can't explain it. I'm sorry, but I can't. Thank you for taking care of me."

He left before Jared could get another word out, the door slamming shut behind him and Jensen didn't stop to look back. He walked with quick steps, not really caring where he was going and he was barely aware of being back in the park before he sat down on the bench Jared had found him on. He was in clean clothes, but that was the only good thing he had going for him. He didn't have a working phone and there was no ATM where his card would work and Jensen knew he was stranded somewhere that was very far away from where he belonged.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. God dammit. Jesus fucking Christ."

Curling up on the bench Jensen tried to figure out what he would do next, but when he had no idea what had happened so far, he couldn't figure out where to go from there. At least with Jared talking to him Jensen had been warm, and he had some sort of touchstone to his own world.


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't believe you just kicked him out!"

The voice was angry and cut through Jensen's confused dreams, making him sit up suddenly and look around the darkness of the park.

"Dani, he's insane. The stuff he said? You would've done the same!"

For a moment Jensen thought he'd bit his own tongue, the taste of blood prominent in his mouth but when he swallowed it quickly disappeared again. He didn't have time to think about it, instead looking over to where Danneel was coming walking down the path, Jared trailing behind her.Jensen watched as Danneel seemed to relax the moment she saw Jensen.

"There you are," Danneel said, running the last few steps and kneeling down beside Jensen. "You're all cold, again. I'm sorry. Come, please. We need to talk."

 

"Dani," Jared said, a low protest that made Jensen wince.

"He's right," Jensen said quietly. "I wasn't honest and I can't expect him to-"

"Not honest? Interesting way to put it," Jared said but he looked calmer than he had back in his house, and that was something.

Danneel looked back and forth between them before crossing her arms over her chest, a determined look on her face.

"I want to hear his story."

Jared huffed out an annoyed sound before turning around and walking back towards his home, only stopping once to look back over his shoulder at Danneel and Jensen.

"Come," Danneel said quietly. "I don't know much about you, but whatever your story is, I think we need to find out."

"He'll kick me out again," Jensen said but he did get up off the hard bench.

"And then you'll sleep on my couch until we figure things out," Danneel said, linking their arms together and practically dragging Jensen around.

He was sure that she did it because she saw how stiff his body was from sleeping out in the cold, but Jensen was grateful for the contact and he walked by her side back towards Jared's house.

"Your apartment is barely big enough to fit you," Jensen muttered. "And your couch isn't exactly comfortable."

Danneel stumbled slightly at those words, looking at Jensen with an unreadable expression before continuing to follow Jared.

"You know a lot about us," she said. "I think it's time for us to learn more about you."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, the warmth of Danneel's body not enough to heat him up. She had to almost push Jensen through the door to the house and to his surprise Jared met him there, wrapping a warm blanket around Jensen's shoulders and motioning for him to sit down on the couch.

"Tea?" Jared asked when Jensen sat down.

"Something stronger?" Jensen suggested, pulling the blanket closer around himself.

Jared nodded, walking out into the kitchen and when he came back he carried a tray with tea cups as well as a bottle of bourbon. To Jensen’s surprise, Jared sat down beside him on the couch while Danneel took the armchair across from them and she was the one pouring them each a generous serving of bourbon. Jensen reached greedily for the glass, emptying it in two deep swallows and coughing as the liquid burned going down his throat.

"Explain it to us," Danneel told him.

Jensen picked up his tea cup, pushing himself up in the corner of the couch and toeing out of his sneakers before pulling his legs up under him. He opted to stare down into the cup, rather than look at the other two even though he could feel their eyes on him.

"I'm Jensen Ackles," Jensen said, shifting the cup as to make the tea swirl around. "My author name is J.R. Ackles. R is for Ross, my middle name. My first book was _Exquisite Corpses_ , but _Red Summer_ was the first I wrote about you, and it takes place the summer when you were twenty-one-"

Jared's sharp gasp was enough for him to look up and he saw Jared look at him, realization painted on his face. With all the months Jensen had spent on that book, hours upon hours editing and changing things around, he knew every part of if inside and out. From the way Jared was looking at him, Jensen knew he wasn't the only one.

"You wrote about me and Chad," Jared said quietly. "What happened when I found him again and…"

He could see Jared swallow thickly, overcome by emotions and he couldn't really blame Jared for it. Jared had only been ten when his best friend and family disappeared, too young to understand why. It had been hard to write, he couldn't even imagine how hard it must have been to live through it.

"Chad and the other boys. The ones that sent you on the path to find your childhood friend," Jensen confirmed. "I...it was a bestseller. After that I've only written about you."

"But you can't," Danneel protested, shaking her head and making the deep red curls of her hair dance around her shoulders. "Jared, you work in a _bookstore_ , you would know if there was a book like that. There are no books about you!"

"Not in this world."

Jensen thought he'd been quiet, but the words seemed to ring out loud in the room, making both Jared and Danneel stare at him again and neither of them managed to get a word out. Lifting up his cup, Jensen blew on the hot liquid before taking a small sip, waiting for someone besides him to say a word.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Jared finally broke the silence, just when Jensen thought he might have to empty the entire cup before someone spoke.

"It sounds crazy," Jensen said slowly.

"Too crazy," Danneel said with a nod.

Putting the tea cup down, Jensen instead wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, not yet feeling warmed up from the hours sleeping outside and he thought it was a miracle he hadn't fallen ill from all the exposure.

"I have no idea how I ended up here," Jensen said truthfully. "I remember stepping outside, there was bright sunshine and then...the next thing I knew I'm here. In some alley off Franklin Avenue and in Woodridge. The city _I_ created and it can't be true. You two can't be true and yet here you are, talking. Behaving like I'm the crazy one when you are characters from a book."

It was all too much to deal with and no matter how much Jensen could see that they obviously were real there was no way for him to understand it. What could have cast him into some kind of alternate reality where Jared and Danneel were just as real as he was? A place where he didn't belong and with no idea how to get home. In the back of his mind, a small voice wondered what he had to go home to but Jensen pushed it aside. In his own world he might not have friends, but he had his books. He was someone there.

"We're not," Jared said, making Jensen startle slightly. "Characters, I mean. You do realize that? Whatever this is, whatever the real explanation is, we're not characters. That's my _life_ you're talking about. You wrote a book about me. Several books if I understand correctly. And Chad. The stuff that happened to him, the kidnapping. The abuse. You turned that into a book."

Jensen winced at the accusation in Jared's words and when he looked over at Danneel he saw the frown creasing her forehead. He should have remembered that even though Chad and Danneel hadn't been all that fond of each other, things that had gone down had knitted the two together and he should have known that she would be protective of both Jared and Chad.

"I didn't," Jensen said with a sigh. "Do you really think I'd do that if I had known it was real? For me it wasn't real. I made it up."

Jared let out an annoyed scoffing sound but Danneel tilted her head to side and Jensen could see the thoughts swirling in her mind.

"Prove it," she said, leaning back in the armchair. "Something that only Jared would know. Stuff that's not in police records or newspapers or anything."

Jensen mind swirled with all the stuff he knew about Jared, all the small tidbits written down in notebooks and sometimes on napkins if he hadn't had notebooks with him. The problem was that while so much seemed to be the same, there were small differences between the fictional Jared and the real version. He could only hope that the information he settled on was something that had happened in both worlds.

"The day that the police came and took Chad away," Jensen started, watching as both Jared and Danneel tensed up at the mention of Chad's name. "When he was gone, you went to the trailer and sat in his bed for hours, hoping he would come back."

"He never did," Jared added, closing his eyes and pulling in deep breaths as if to calm himself down. "And I never told anyone about that."

From the sorrow written across Danneel's face it was obvious it was the first time she had ever heard that little bit of information. Jensen thought back to the long hours he had spent writing that scene, the tears he had shed for Jared and the pain he had been put through when his friend was taken from him.

"I believe you," Jared said quietly.

"Jared?" Dannel questioned.

"Don't. I have no idea how the hell he knows that, but if I can't explain it then...maybe he's telling the truth. It's the only option."

Jensen breathed out a sigh of relief, some of the tension leaving his body even though he could tell that Danneel was the one still doubting.

"I can't explain it," Jensen sighed. "No way. It's not making sense to me but I am who I say I am. I wouldn't lie about this."

"It's too crazy to make up," Jared said with a hollow laugh.

Danneel slumped back in her seat, still shaking her head but she wasn't protesting and in the end she looked over at Jensen, giving a small nod. Maybe she didn't believe him, but at least she wouldn't protest and that was as much as Jensen could ask for.

"Dani. I think me and Jensen might need some time to ourselves. And thank you, for making me get him back here."

"Are you sure? Both of you? Jensen, you wanna stay here? I know it's a lot to take in, for all of us, but I promise that Jared isn't your only option. You can come stay with me as I said before. I mean, you've written about me as well I guess, you know me. Sort of."

Warmth surged through Jensen at her words. Even though it was obvious that she still doubted him and his story, she was still willing to help far beyond getting him a cup of coffee.

"You'd do that for me?" he asked, not hiding the surprise from his voice. "You sure Katie wouldn't mind?"

"How'd you- oh. You wrote about Katie as well?" Danneel asked, eyes narrowing.

"No," Jensen said with a small smile. "It's one of those details that seems different here. But Katie mentioned you were her girl. In my books you're straight."

That shocked both Danneel and Jared into laughter and Jensen could feel the tension drain out of the room and when Danneel almost doubled over with mirth he couldn't stop himself from laughing as well. The three of them spent several long minutes laughing, one of them starting all over again as soon as the other two managed to calm down. It was the most relaxed Jensen had felt since he ended up in that alley, dirty and confused and with everything having shifted into something new. For the first time he had the feeling that somehow, things might turn out alright.

"This is bizarre," Danneel said. "But fine, I believe you. I think. Really though, do you wanna stay here?"

"Yeah. Yes," Jensen nodded. "I really do. I think Jared and I need to talk."

"Fine, then I'll leave you two to it. But don't forget to tell me everything. And I mean _everything_. Man, Katie's not gonna believe any of this."

"Have fun trying to explain it," Jared said, smile still lingering on his lips.

Danneel nodded and got up, giving Jared a hug and after a moments hesitation she leaned down to hug Jensen as well. That close he could feel the warm, flowery scent of her hair and Jensen breathed in deeply. It wasn't a scent he'd ever thought of when it came to her, but it fit perfectly and felt right.

"Thank you," he told her. "Thank you so much."

She left with one last brilliant smile, door closing softly behind her. Jensen looked over at Jared and wasn't surprised to find him looking back, the two of them sitting there without saying a word and Jensen had no idea how long time passed. Harley came to sit beside Jared, resting his big head against Jared's knee in a silent plea for petting, tongue lolling out when Jared scratched behind one ear.

"He's a sweet dog," Jensen said, not knowing what else they could be talking about.

"He is," Jared agreed. "I got him from a shelter, but then, I guess you knew that."

"I didn't," Jensen corrected. "In my world, in my books, you don't have a dog."

"Huh. Odd."

"I'm writing about you, but a version of you, I think. The book I'm writing back home is _The Lost Boy_ , I think it's the case you're working on now."

"That's too weird," Jared said with a headshake. "I need to think about this and I think we both could use some sleep. The guestroom is yours. Make yourself at home and we can talk more tomorrow. Or later today, I guess."

 

"Jared," Jensen said when Jared stood up. "Thank you."

Jared nodded but didn't say anything more as he and Harley disappeared towards his bedroom, leaving Jensen sitting in the living room with too many thoughts swirling in his mind. Slowly he managed to get up from the couch and walk into the guestroom, bed still unmade from the last night he spent there and Jensen carefully smoothed out the sheets before peeling out of his clothes.

To his own surprise, sleep found him within moments of him putting his head on the pillow.

-¤-

At first Jensen wasn't sure what had woken him up, but as he blinked sleep out of his eyes he took in the rich scent of coffee and bacon reaching him and he pushed himself up to sitting on the bed. He looked around for his clothes, eyes falling on the chair where he had left them but to his surprise he didn't find them there; instead there was a pile of clean and whole clothes that weren't his own. With no other options, Jensen pulled the clothes on and by the way the sweatpants pooled around his feet it was obvious who they belonged to.

It felt weird, being dressed in Jared's clothes but Jensen still pulled on the slightly too big t-shirt before padding out into the kitchen on bare feet.

"You're awake."

Jared smiled back over his shoulder as Harley got up from his resting spot in the corner, eagerly greeting Jensen with wagging tail.

"Thanks for the clothes," Jensen said, looking at the kitchen chair but instead opting to go stand next to Jared.

Bacon was sizzling in the pan, the scent of it enough to make Jensen's belly growl and Jared grinned at him when he heard the sound.

"You're taking this surprisingly well," Jensen commented, shuffling over to where the coffee pot was waiting for him. "Can I?"

"Of course"

He found himself a cup and filled it up, not able to hold back his groan of pleasure when he downed a few deep swallows.

"I'm not really taking things that well," Jared said, moving bacon from the pan to a plate. "But I'm not sure how freaking out would help either of us. Sit, eat. And maybe we can talk."

Jensen nodded, sitting down at the kitchen table as Jared put down eggs, bacon and toast in front of him. Despite the way he felt, Jensen found himself to be hungry and the first piece of bacon made him moan in pleasure. He could feel Jared's eyes on him but they ate in silence, focusing on downing the entire pot of coffee and all of the bacon. Jared didn't say anything as he cleaned off the kitchen table, putting their plates in the dishwasher and quickly cleaning the pans while Jensen drained the very last of the coffee.

"Living room?" Jared said, leaning back against the counter and looking at Jensen.

"No," Jensen answered, nodding towards the chair across the table. "Let's get this dealt with."

Jared shrugged but he did cross the floor and sat down on the chair, elbows on the table and his head resting in one hand. Jensen looked for words to explain himself but Jared beat him to it.

"I don't think you're lying. This is all weird as fuck and I got no idea how you ended up here but you are. And somehow, we're connected. You write about me. You're here. There must be a reason for you ending up here and damn if I know what it could be. That said, I want to find out and… I think you should stay here. With me."

It was far from what Jensen had expected and his mouth fell open, staring at Jared.

"I don't have any money," Jensen said. "Or clothes, or anything really."

 

Jared's gaze drifted down Jensen's body, a little smile on his lips and Jensen shifted awkwardly.

"I know. I don't have loads of money but I do have two jobs. I got enough to keep us going and I think you belong here. So please, stay here? We can get to know each other and figure things out. And I'm sure all of my friends would like to hear this story and I promise, when Chad gets back from whatever is keeping him busy nowadays, I'll make sure he doesn't hit you for writing about him. We'll take him out drinking at Cole's and things will be okay."

Phrased like that it shouldn't be an easy choice and Jensen knew he should really stop to think about it, weigh pros and cons and make an informed decision. There was only one answer he could give though, and he knew it was the right one.

"Yeah. Okay. I'd like that."

-¤-

"Hey Jensen, can you help me here?"

Jensen sat up from where he had been splayed out on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep for the last hour and it took a few moments for him to blink the sleep out of his eyes.

"Jensen?"

"Coming, coming."

He met Jared in the hallway, stopping for a moment when he saw his host balancing beers and pizza boxes and Jensen's eyes widened for a moment before he caught on and quickly moved forward to take the pizzas from Jared before he dropped something.

"Pizza and beer? You spoil me."

Jared grinned and together they put the stuff down on the coffee table and Jensen couldn't hold back a low moan when he popped the lid open and was met by the delicious scent of pepperoni and melted cheese. Depositing one bottle of beer each on the table, Jared took the others out to the kitchen and Jensen heard him put them in the fridge.

"We might need some napkins," Jensen called out just as Jared returned, napkin dispenser in hand.

"Way ahead of you," Jared said and sat down beside Jensen.

"So what's with the pizza? Not that I mind, this looks awesome."

"It's been a week," Jared explained. "Since you came here. So I thought we'd celebrate. Or you know, something like that. Anyway, pizza can't be bad, right?"

"No," Jensen said, grabbing himself a slice. "And thanks. For letting me stay, and for wanting to celebrate it. Not like I've managed to give you any more information or been useful in any way."

Jared took his own slice, taking two big bites and swallowing them down with beer, then he wiped his fingers clean and reached for the remote.

"Movie time?" Jared asked. "And then tomorrow maybe you can help me with the case I'm working on."

-¤-

Jensen looked down at the papers spread out on the desk, photographs and articles and handwritten notes. He could feel Jared watching him from the doorway, arms crossed over his chest but there was no real tension in his body.

"Does it make sense to you?" Jared asked before walking closer and sitting down in a worn armchair. "He's just...gone. No leads. I mean, yes his parents are not really the best kind of parents around but there seems to be no actual reasons before it."

Looking away from the papers in front of him Jensen reached for his coffee cup and took a sip, turning to face Jared.

"You know there'll always be people interested in taking kids."

It was the truth but it made both of them wince. With all the research Jensen had done for his books, and the hours looking over Jared's shoulders as he worked his latest case, Jensen knew more than he’d ever wanted to about the things people did to kids. He looked back down at the photo of a young boy, taking in the unruly hair and the missing front tooth.

"Something is off with that entire case," Jared said. "The mother swears she was in the apartment all evening apart from one small trip to the store around the corner. And the cashier there confirms the time she was there."

"You have nothing," Jensen said with a sigh.

"Just the feeling that something is wrong. Like I'm missing something. I have one or two interviews to go through still, the ones the police held and not me. Doubt it'll make much difference though. She seems to be staying at home most evenings and I have no witnesses to say otherwise. But with what you said about writing the book-"

"Jared," Jensen interrupted. "Just because I wrote him as abused doesn't mean he was. I've read through a lot of the information you've gathered and there are no hospital records. Nothing to say he was put through that. Maybe it was just in my head."

Jensen sure hoped it was only in his head. It was one thing to plan out both the mental and physical abuse his own lost boy had been put through but he was horrified to think of a _real_ kid having to suffer through that. But he was right, there was no proof of anything bad having happening to the boy apart from neglect. Which, come to think about it, was plenty bad enough.

"You won't figure it all out from just staring at this," Jensen said, shaking off his dark thoughts. "But yeah, I guess we're both missing something. Someone out there must know something. We're stuck now though and beating our heads against a wall solves nothing. We could both use a break."

"I need to take Harley out," Jared said, looking away from all his research. "Fuck. I know the boy’s dad is paying me to figure this out but I have no idea how. I need a break from it all. Wanna keep me company?"

"I could stand to get out of here yes," Jensen answered quickly, wincing when he realized just how eager he was.

Jared stared at him for a few moments before he laughed and threw Jensen a warm jacket that had to be two sizes too big.

"I'm sorry," Jared said. "I should've realized you would start climbing the walls soon, being left alone here for days. You know, you could've gone outside, it's not like you don't know the town."

Jensen just shrugged, pulling the jacket on and following dog and owner out of the door, letting himself forget the pile of information waiting for them on the kitchen table.

Only it wasn't that easy to forget, and even as they walked through the park, Harley dancing around them and begging for them to throw sticks his way, Jensen couldn't help but think of the information Jared had gathered. There was no denying that Jared was good at his second job; he had found out about things that Jensen himself probably wouldn't even have imagined looking for, but it still wasn't enough.

When Harley came running up to him, stick in his mouth and tail happily wagging, Jensen took it and threw it as far as he could, watching the dog running after it and he wished that he could be as easily pleased as Harley was. Instead he found himself caring about things in a world he still didn't know was real. A part of him couldn't think of Jared's world as anything but a long, elaborate dream.

"You can't stop thinking about it, can you?" Jared asked suddenly and when Jensen looked over he saw Jared watching him.

"Can you?" Jensen shot back.

"No," Jared shrugged. "But it's my job. It's not yours."

Jensen laughed, but there was no real joy in the laughter.

"Isn't it? You live it, I write it. It's different, but it's still my job. Or was. Will be. Fuck, this shit is hard to wrap your mind around."

The stick forgotten, or lost, Harley came back, panting heavily and opting to walk beside them through the park, seemingly all played out for the day. He had expected Jared to say something, but instead he just re-attached the leash to Harley's collar and led them back towards the house. Jensen trailed behind, fingering at the too-long sleeve of the borrowed jacket and watching Jared's back, wondering what thoughts were swirling around his reluctant host's head.

"It was the father that hired you?" Jensen asked, kicking off his damp shoes at the door and making his way back to the office and the papers spread over the desk.

"Yeah," Jared sighed. "Mr. Lowell is very interested in getting his son back, of course. He's also accusing Anne of being a horrible mother who should never have gotten custody. Which, probably is true, but on the other hand this is the first attempt at contact with his son in over a year. So you know, they're both charming."

Jensen had read enough of the interviews with both mother and father to know that neither of them would win any Parent of the Year awards and he felt sorry for Ricky Lowell who had clearly been reduced to a pawn for his parents to get back at each other. He pushed away the thought of there maybe being more behind the disappearance; some thoughts he didn't want to have.

"And he's not a suspect?"

"No," Jared said. "Not anymore. He was one of the prime suspects at first."

"It's almost surprising it's not him," Jensen said. "It would be so common in a situation like this. But then I guess he wouldn't have been the one hiring you."

"That would have been incredibly arrogant," Jared agreed. "So tell me, Jensen, how do I solve this?"

"What?"

The question came out of the blue and Jensen spun around, papers he had been rifling through crinkling in his hand as he turned to see Jared standing in the doorway. The home office was dark, blinds closed and the light turned off and Jensen couldn't see Jared's expression in the backlight from the living room. Jared remained silent though and Jensen thought about the words, wondering why Jared thought he would be able to solve the case when he hadn't even been able to read through all the files yet.

"You've written it," Jared said, stepping into the office. "I hadn't thought about it before, but you've written books about me, about my life. You know how this ends, tell me. Save him."

Jensen's shoulder slumped at that and he sighed, running one hand through his hair before leaning back against the desk and crossing his arms over his chest.

"It doesn't work like that," he tried to explain. "And I'm at the first chapters in that book. Was. Before I ended up here."

"But surely you must have planned out how things would end," Jared pushed. "It's what good authors do and-"

"Wow," Jensen bit out. "Thank you for that."

Jared winced at that, sighing as he sat down on a chair and rested one elbow against the desk while his other had fiddled with a stack of papers.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I've been struggling with writer's block," Jensen admitted. "The first chapter worked and then nothing, none of my original ideas fit together and I got stuck. Nothing but a blank computer monitor fucking teasing me every day, telling me just how good a writer I was not. I have nothing. I didn't even have his name. In my book it was just a lost boy, no name. And he didn't just disappear in my book, there was abuse and I felt horrible about it all. So in the end I had nothing. Just a cover that needed something to go inside it."

Jared looked at him, a heavy silence stretching out between them and Jensen didn't need Jared to say that he was disappointed, it was obvious in every line of his face.

"You don't make it up," Jared spat out, sudden and angry, making Jensen startle. "Don't you get that? It's _my_ life you're writing about. It's the victims’ lives and if you wrote that about Ricky, what's to say it didn't happen like that here as well?"

"No," Jensen denied, shaking his head.

They were still different people to him, his fictional Jared and the one standing in front of him, so much alike and yet different in so many ways.

"It's not real," Jensen said, stubbornly trying to ignore the reality of what was happening but Jared made it very hard for him to be able to see it as research for another book.

Jared's eyes went wide in surprise before changing to shock and anger and Jensen realized what he had said but it wasn't as if he could really take it back, not when a big part of him still thought of Jared as his character.

"Not real?" Jared asked, walking in closer and Jensen swallowed when Jared was towering above him. "That boy is real, and he's gone. Do you get that, Jensen? This isn't a book you're writing, this is reality."

Jensen didn't say anything, but he thought the look on his face must say enough because Jared scowled at him, moving even closer.

"I'm _not_ made up," Jared spat out. "Can't you tell that?"

He stood close enough that their bodies were pressed together and Jensen was all too aware of just how real Jared felt, a solid wall of muscles and warmth pressed up against him. Jared shouldn't feel real, but he did. It was more than that, though, for all the hours he'd spent writing Jared, creating his life and trying to truly understand the character it was so very different compared to actually having Jared right there.

"Jared," Jensen got out.

"I'm real!" Jared said, close enough that Jensen could feel the warm breath on his face.

"Yeah," Jensen breathed out and he wasn't fully sure which of them was moving before their mouths slotted together and Jared was pressing Jensen up against the wall.

The kiss was brutally hard, Jared's tongue pushing past Jensen's lips and tangling with his just as big hands grabbed his hips and held him in place. Jensen moaned into the kiss, reaching up to tangling his hands in Jared's hair and he heard Jared hiss with pain at the too tight grip. Their bodies rocked together and Jensen realized that Jared was hard, and that his own cock was quickly thickening as well. He wanted to scream, to tell Jared that none of it could be happening, but he also wanted to taste all of Jared, to get to know every part of him and maybe then he'd finally be able to understand Jared.

A deep groan left him when Jared reached down, cupping Jensen's ass with both hands and lifting him clear off the ground. Jensen wrapped his legs tightly around Jared's waist, grinding their bodies together and he knew there was no going back. Without pulling apart, they kissed deeper, dirty wet kisses and hands roaming over warm skin and Jensen could feel his orgasm approach, faster than he had expected and from the way Jared was almost rutting against him he thought he wasn't the only one.

"Do I feel real enough now?" Jared asked against Jensen's lips.

In that moment, nothing had ever felt more real than Jared did and Jensen clung to him, for once not thinking about finding a way home, perfectly content with Jared's hands on him as he shuddered through his release.

Jared gasped, kissing Jensen hard as he rocked their bodies together, following Jensen over the edge and they both stood still, panting for several long minutes before Jared slowly lowered Jensen to the floor.

"I know that you're real," Jensen whispered once they both managed to calm down some.

The floor underneath him was hard and unforgiving, not a place he wanted to stay and yet he knew he wouldn't move as long as Jared's arm was wrapped around him, one strong hand stroking up and down Jensen's side.

"I know."

"Fuck, sometimes this feels more real than anything else. And it scares me, Jared, do you get that? I've lived my life in another world and now I'm here. I'm _stuck_ here."

He could feel Jared tensing up above him but Jensen couldn't take the words back. Jared's world wasn't his, it wasn't where he belonged. Each day spent with Jared made him wonder though, made him question whether going back to his own generic apartment was really what he wanted to do. Each morning he woke up with the taste of blood in the back of his mouth and a few seconds confusion whether he was in his world or Jared's.

"I know you want to go home," Jared said, hand still at the small of Jensen's back. "But I have no idea how to get you there. All I have is a case that needs solving and...I know you feel you don't belong here but... "

Jensen shifted enough that he could look up at Jared, their faces so close together that he could feel Jared's breath against his skin.

"But what?" he asked.

Jared shifted, pulling away from Jensen and sitting up. He winced slightly when he got up and Jensen stretched his limbs, mirroring Jared's discomfort at the feel of come making his underwear cling to his skin. Jared reached down, offering a hand to Jensen and helping him stand and Jensen got up, keeping his hold on Jared's hand once he regained his balance.

"Jared."

"Yes?" Jared answered, looking down to where their hands were still connected.

"But what?" Jensen repeated, needing to know.

Jared seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he looked back down at their hands, his thumb rubbing soothingly over the back of Jensen's hand.

"But I have this feeling that you _do_ belong here," Jared said without meeting Jensen's gaze.

Neither of them said anything, but when Jared pulled Jensen along towards the stairs Jensen went willingly, allowing himself to be dragged into the bathroom. He was just about to say something, but Jared silenced him with a kiss, pressing him up against the tiled wall.

"We don't need to talk about it," Jared mumbled without pulling away from the kiss. "I just thought you should know. Now, we should get...clean…"

Jensen was sure that he wouldn't be very clean when Jared was done with him, but he wasn't very likely to object when Jared fumbled to get their clothes off. Peeling the sticky underwear wasn't a nice feeling, but when damp cloth was replaced by a warm hand Jensen couldn't keep back a low moan.

"Time for a shower," Jared said, pushing Jensen's clothes fully off.

It was amazing that neither of them tripped over something as they got into the shower stall, considering that they couldn't stop kissing and running hands over warm skin. Jensen was too occupied with memorizing each part of Jared's mouth with his tongue to even notice what Jared was doing and he cried out in shock when cold water hammered down over them.

"Warn a guy," Jensen got out once he caught his breath.

"I'll warm you up."

The words would sound corny and would have made Jensen laugh had they come from anyone else, but the laughter died on his tongue when Jared's hand drifted down the curve of his back until wet fingers slid down the cleft of his ass. Jensen moaned at the touch, arching back into it and all the worries of the last few days faded away into nothing. It didn't seem too important, not when Jared's finger rubbed against his asshole and sent shots of pleasure up through Jensen's body. He pressed back against the touch, wanting to feel Jared's fingers inside of him but instead Jared pulled his hands away, letting them drag over Jensen's side and they made his skin pebble.

"I meant it," Jared said, rubbing against Jensen's skin. "I need to get you warm. The rest can wait."

"That's-" Jensen started, but he fell silent when Jared reached for the soap, lathering up a rich foam that he started working over Jensen's body.

Jensen let his eyes drift shut, focusing on the feel of big hands moving over his body and he allowed himself to relax into the touch. A low moan escaped him when Jared's fingers brushed over his nipples, making them harden and Jensen leaned back against the now warm tiles. With his eyes closed he had no warning before a warm mouth replaced the fingers, Jared sucking on one nipple until Jensen was trembling with how good it felt. He reached up to tangle his hands in Jared's hair, pulling him up until he could slot their lips together once more. Jared pressed in closer, grinding his hard cock against Jensen and the kiss quickly turned from needing to desperate.

"Let me... " Jensen mumbled, reaching for the shower gel as well and he pushed Jared back.

He could feel Jared's eyes on him as he let his hands start to move over Jared's body, starting with strong shoulders and slowly working down towards hard pecs. Jared's body was better than Jensen had ever imagined it. Sure he had written Jared as a guy who liked working out, but his character had nothing on the real thing. And when he moved his hands down over a trim waist and down to narrow hips, there was no denying how real Jared was. Even with the now warm water sloshing down over them, he could feel the almost radiating heat of Jared's skin and Jensen wondered if he would ever get enough of the feeling of closeness. He might be in a world where he didn't belong, but he felt more alive in Jared's world than he could remember having felt in years in his own.

"I'm real," Jared mumbled, his hands moving over Jensen's skin again and pulling them closer together. "You know I'm real, you can feel it. I don't care why you ended up here. I just…"

Before Jensen could ask what Jared wanted to say, Jared turned the shower head to rinse away the suds and Jensen coughed when some of the water found its way into his mouth. Once they were cleaned off, Jensen found himself dragged out of the shower stall and any questions he might have had faded away when Jared rubbed him dry with a big, soft towel. Leaving the towels in the bathroom they made their way towards the bedroom and Jensen couldn't really pull his gaze away from Jared's naked body.

"I can feel you watching," Jared said, casting a glance back over his shoulder and he smirked when he caught Jensen looking up from his ass.

"Well-," Jensen said but he didn't come further before they were in the bedroom and Jared grabbed him and pressed him up against the wall.

Jensen groaned into the kiss, rocking his hips forward and grinding his hardening cock against Jared's thigh. Together they stumbled towards the bed and Jensen grunted when they collapsed down on it, Jared's heavy body weighing him down and it _did_ feel more real than anything else since he had woken up in that alley. A low gasp left him when Jared's hands dragged down to grab Jensen's ass, fingers trailing down the cleft until the reached furled skin and sent shots of arousal through Jensen's body. The touch started out soft, barely there brush of fingers but it soon turned firmer and Jensen moaned the first time the tip of a finger pushed inside. The dry friction wasn't pleasurable, not really, but it still felt good and Jensen pushed back against it.

"Wait," Jared got out, fumbling for the bedside table.

When the turned back to Jensen he had a tube of lube in his hand and the next time his fingers returned to Jensen's asshole they were slick and gave the sweetest of friction. Jared pushed one finger inside and Jensen spread his legs, wanting to give more room for Jared to open him up. Jared moved until he was kneeling between Jensen's thighs, adding a second finger and Jensen threw his head back, focusing on the way it felt when Jared's fingers worked him open.

Soon Jared pulled his fingers free, wiping them clean on the comforter and usually Jensen would have cared about that but he couldn't do that when Jared reached down to spread lube over his own hard cock. Jensen's mouth went slightly dry at the sight and he canted his hips up in a silent plea for more. He should have known that Jared wouldn't make it that easy for him and Jared stilled, the head of his dick pressed against Jensen's asshole.

"Tell me you want this," Jared demanded.

" _Please_ ," Jensen moaned. "I do want it. I want to- fuck. I wanna feel everything."

"Gonna show you how real it is."

The next moment Jensen felt more full than he ever had before, Jared deep inside him and Jensen's body locked down around the pain-laced pleasure of Jared inside of him. His body wasn't ready and he had to pull in deep breaths, trying to relax as his body adjusted to the stretch.

"Jesus fuck," Jared gasped above him. "You're fucking gorgeous."

It wasn't the words Jensen had expected but they made him relax, allowing Jared to slide all the way inside and they both groaned. Jensen wrapped one leg around Jared's waist while Jared lifted the other one to rest on his shoulder. The position made Jensen's muscles burn, but he couldn't find it in himself to care, not when Jared felt so good inside of him.

"Move," Jensen mumbled when he felt his muscles relax around Jared's cock.

Jared pulled out slowly, Jensen's rim clinging to the hardness and when Jared let go of his leg, one last kiss to the inside of his calf, Jensen wrapped both legs around Jared's waist. He expected Jared to take him deep and hard, but instead Jared tangled their fingers together and moved with slow motions. Jensen moaned, rocking up against Jared, clinging to him with each slide of their bodies together. The desperate sounds were swallowed up when Jared kissed him, wet drag of lips and slow curl of tongues together. It was pleasure unlike anything Jensen had experienced before and he couldn't get enough of it. Jared rolled his hips, each slow drag pressing against Jensen's prostate and he lifted one hand to tangle into Jared's hair. Jensen's own cock was trapped between their bellies and with that added friction Jensen knew he wasn't far from coming without a hand on his dick.

Jared pulled his mouth away from Jensen's, lips dragging down his jaw until they found the sensitive spot just behind his ear and when Jared bit down, Jensen couldn't keep his orgasm at bay. He came harder than he could remember doing in a very long time, hot pulses shooting through his body and he could feel Jared's cock harden even more for a second before the man groaned against Jensen's skin. They clung to each other and Jensen didn't think he was the only one not willing to let go just yet.

"That was..intense," Jared mumbled, lips still against Jensen's neck and the soft brush made Jensen shiver.

"Yeah," Jensen breathed out, only then realizing he was smiling.

"So, I'm thinking you're not sleeping in the guestroom any more."

Jensen nodded and when Jared pulled free he could cooling come trickling out of his body. It was only then that he realized that in the heat of the moment neither of them had even thought about protection.

"Shit," Jared groaned, staring down at where Jensen was still spread open for him.

"That wasn't very smart," Jensen commented, wincing a little when he moved and more come leaked out.

"I'm clean," Jared said quickly. "I promise. I don't do this, not… I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Jensen nodded, looking around for something to clean himself up with. "Well, not like I thought of it either. I mean, I know you're clean. I wrote it and… We're okay."


	4. Chapter 4

"I'd like you to meet Chad."

Jensen looked up from the papers he had been going through, the transcripts of one of the many interviews held with the mother and acquaintances of the missing boy.

"You… Really?"

If it was one thing Jared hadn't even being to touch upon, it was his friendship with Chad and Jensen could understand it. He might know what had happened to Chad, but Jared had lived through it and there was a big difference.

"Losing Chad," Jared said slowly. "I think I'll never get over it. I mean, I have him back now but back then… He was my best friend, and then one day he was just _gone_. His parents, or you know, the people I thought were his parents were taken away as well and it was a trailer park, no one really _knew_. Of course, in the end we found out, but it didn't seem real. The boy I hang out with every day, and his parents that I know and...kidnappers? How could we have known Chad had been kidnapped? And they just took him. Handed him back to his mother and I didn't see him again for almost ten years."

It was obvious that Jared needed to get the words out, even though Jensen knew all the details. When he thought about he wondered if maybe he didn't know even more than Jared did, there had been many small details that never actually made it into the book.

"But why do you want me to meet him?" Jensen asked carefully.

"Because I think you still don't get it," Jared said, leaning back in his chair. "That this is real. You've written about me, you've written about Chad. About how I found him, the stuff his mother put him through after she got him back. This all needs to become real for you."

Jensen felt himself stiffen and he crossed his arms over his chest.

"It _is_ real. I know that."

"Yes, and no," Jared shrugged. "Logically, I think you do but there's still some part of you struggling against it as well. And it's not like we'll sit down with Chad and have a long chat about how fucked up his childhood was, we'll just meet up with him at Cole's or some other place and talk. Have a few beers and-"

"Cole's?"

"It's Chad's favorite bar and… Jensen? What are you doing?"

Jensen weren't listening, instead rooting through the stack of papers, trying to find the page he was looking for because something about what Jared had said made a small bell ring in the back of Jensen's mind. He heard Jared call his name again, but he couldn't let his thought go and he breathed out a deep sigh of relief when he found the interview transcript he was looking for, the one he had read through that very morning.

"Here," he said, pushing the paper into Jared's hand. "Cole's"

Jared's lips moved as he quietly read through the transcript. Jensen could see the moment Jared found the words that had caught Jensen's own attention. He waited, watching Jared read it through once more and neither of them said anything for a few long moments.

"This is… How could I miss it?" Jared mumbled. "It's not much, but…"

He drifted off into silence and Jensen thought he could see the wheels turning in Jared's mind, coming to the same conclusion that Jensen himself had come to.

"But it mentions a man called Chad, and that very club."

"It doesn't mean he's involved," Jared said, but it didn't sound like he believed it himself.

"No," Jensen agreed. "It might not be him but I think we need to check it out. Because… Jared…"

"It's a missing child. And Chad," Jared said with a nod and his voice sounded strangled. "It would be a very big coincidence. I haven't heard from Chad in awhile."

Jared threw the papers down on the table, standing up and walked out into the living room. Making sure the papers wouldn't get too messed up, Jensen stood up as well and followed him, not really surprised when he saw Jared over at the bookshelf with a bottle in his hand. When Jared raised the bottle questioningly, Jensen nodded and Jared poured them both a glass before moving to sit down on the couch. Taking his own glass Jensen sat down as well and watched quietly as Jared got his phone out of his pocket. Instead of calling, Jared quickly typed out a message and sent it off before throwing the phone down on the coffee table.

"This sucks," Jared said angrily, downing half of the contents in his glass in one quick swallow.

"Just because he might have information doesn't mean he's actually involved," Jensen pointed out, sipping more carefully at his own whiskey. "How long has it been since you heard from him?

There was no answer from Jared and Jensen didn't push it. Something in the back of his mind told him that Chad was more than a little involved and he wondered just what they would find out once they met the man in question. Jared poured himself another glass, refilling Jensen's as well and they both drank in silence. They startled when Jared's phone chimed where it lay on the table and Jared reached out, swiping his finger over the screen and bringing up Chad's text.

"He says he's not home right now but maybe next week," Jared said, frowning. "And I haven't seen him since I took on this case. Fuck me, this is not good. Something is-"

"Wrong," Jensen filled in with a heavy sigh.

He put his empty glass down on the table, fighting back the way the whiskey swirled unpleasantly in his belly. Jensen jumped slightly when Jared stood up quickly, the phone leaving his hand and slamming into a wall before Jensen could say anything. It shattered into pieces and Jared froze, staring at the indent the phone left in the wall.

"Fuck," Jared mumbled.

"Where can he be?" Jensen asked, hating to have to push but he couldn't let Jared slide too deep into his own mind.

It took several long minutes before Jared nodded, rolling his shoulders and turning back towards Jensen. The look in Jared's eyes was haunted but determined and Jensen felt pride swell up inside of him.

"His family has a summerhouse, up by the lake," Jared said. "Chad doesn't really like it. Or so he says. He inherited it from some uncle or something, I'm not really sure."

"So…" Jensen said slowly, not really wanting to say what was on his tongue.

"So it's a good spot to hide," Jared filled in. "We can't go now, too long a drive."

"First thing in the morning," Jensen said with a nod, getting up and grabbing Jared's hand. "I think we both could use some sleep. Go get ready, I'll let Harley out."

He watched Jared walk away, the tension in his wide shoulders obvious and a part of Jensen wished he hadn't said anything. If Chad was indeed connected to the case, Jensen didn't think of how Jared would react if he found out everything. He let out a low groan before getting up from the couch, grabbing their glasses and emptying his own before taking them out into the kitchen. Harley got up as well, trotting behind Jensen and once he put the glasses in the dishwasher he led the dog to the back door.

"Out you go," Jensen said and Harley eagerly pushed past him.

Jensen opted to step outside as well; he needed a few minutes before he had to go back inside. He had no idea why he was in Jared's world, but at that moment he wondered if maybe it would have been for the better had Jensen never woken up in the dirty alley.

When Harley walked inside Jensen followed him, making sure all the doors were locked before he slowly made his way to the bedroom. He wasn't surprised to find Jared sitting up in the bed, back against the headboard and a bunch of papers in his lap.

"Jared," Jensen said quietly.

"I'm just trying to see if I might have missed anything else," Jared said, chewing on a pen as he started reading the next page.

"We need sleep," Jensen said and stripped out of his clothes, folding them carefully together before sliding in between the sheets. "C'mon."

He saw Jared hesitate for a moment but then he nodded, putting the pile away and turning off the lamp on the bedside table.

"This really sucks," Jared said. "At least I don't have to be at the store tomorrow, so that's something."

"That's good," Jensen said, nodding even though he knew Jared couldn't see it in the darkness surrounding them. "I doubt you'd be able to focus on anything else."

To his surprise Jared pulled him in close, hands big and warm against Jensen's skin and he carefully fitted their bodies together. Jensen relaxed when Jared fitted himself against Jensen's back, their bodies fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle and even with all the thoughts filling his mind Jensen found himself smiling slightly.

"Some things I can always focus on," Jared mumbled against Jensen's neck.

There was nothing sexual about the touch, just the need for touch and comfort and Jensen knew they both needed it. He wondered if he ever would be able to sleep without Jared pressed up against him, already used to the way their bodies fit together and the way their breathing synced within minutes. It took a long time for Jensen to fall to sleep, and with the way Jared's hand rubbed slow circles over Jensen's belly, he knew he wasn't the only one.

-¤-

"Is it far?"

Jensen put his coffee down in his cupholder, looking out at the world passing outside of the window and he couldn't help but frown slightly. A part of him felt that he should have known about the summerhouse, but it seemed to be yet another thing that was different from his books and the world he found himself in.

"Should be another forty minutes or so," Jared said and when Jensen looked over he saw Jared's knuckles white with how tight he held the steering wheel.

"How are you feeling?" Jensen asked.

"Oh, you don't want to know," Jared almost growled. "I have such a bad feeling about this."

Jensen nodded and shifted so that he could reach out and rest one hand on Jared's thigh. Jared didn't react, but Jensen left his hand where it was, hoping that he could give some comfort.

"I've only been to the house once," Jared said after a few minutes. "I think there are a few family members owning it together, but Chad is the only one that lives close. He's not fond of it."

"Yeah," Jensen said slowly, remembering what Jared had said the night before. "You said that, but why not?"

 

"Because none of those family members were there when Chad was a kid, when he needed them," Jared said in a flat tone. "And when he came back, after the kidnapping…"

Jared drifted off into silence and Jensen waited, not wanting to push too much and just as he had expected, Jared soon went on talking.

"I think a part of him thinks that he only inherited his part of the summerhouse because his uncle felt guilty," Jared said. "I'm not sure he was. Neither of them never really seemed to care about Chad. And when I say summerhouse, it's not more than a cottage. Not like anyone in Chad's family have a lot of money."

Jensen thought about saying something about Chad not having the summerhouse in his books, but he thought that Jared must already have guessed that considering how many details he had given. Instead he reached for his coffee cup, grimacing slightly at the bitter taste of rest stop coffee but it wasn't like he could be picky. The fact that he didn't have any money in this world still got to him and he wondered what he would do once the case was done.

"We could have talked with Anne Lowell again," Jared said, making Jensen focus back on him. "Maybe she would've remembered more."

"I thought about that as well," Jensen agreed. "But you've talked to her, the police have talked to her. And you said she's not really fond of you at all."

"No," Jared agreed with a heavy sigh. "This whole case is a fucking mess. I shouldn't have taken it on."

With how messed up things were, Jensen could understand what Jared was thinking but he knew the both of them hoped to actually find the missing child and if they did, it would all be worth it. Or at least that was what Jensen had thought before they found their first barely-there lead towards Chad.

"A missing child, there was no way you would have ever said no.”

Outside of the car window grass turned into rolling hills and soon they were replaced with trees while Jensen slowly emptied his coffee cup. He could see Jared opening his mouth several times, but he never said anything and the only sound was that of his fingers drumming against the wheel. Jensen sat up straighter when Jared turned off the main road, steering the car up a dirt road and Jensen could see why Chad had chosen the summerhouse if he was indeed hiding.

"Are there any neighbors around here at all?" Jensen asked, looking back over his shoulder but all he could see was trees.

"None close," Jared said and Jensen thought they both were thinking the same thing.

They took another turn and a small cottage came in to view and Jensen frowned as he took in the view. From the things Jared had said, Jensen had expected something more rundown but when he looked over to Jared he was met with a surprised look.

"Someone must have repainted it," Jared said slowly. "And fixed the flower beds."

He opened the car door and got outside, shielding his eyes from the sun with one hand. Jensen got out as well, gravel crunching under his feet as they walked up towards the front porch. Before they reached the steps the door opened and Chad stepped outside, eyes narrowed as he looked down at them. Not for the first time Jensen was taken aback by how much the people he met looked like the characters he had imagined. Chad was everything Jensen had thought him to be, except for how upset he looked to see Jared there.

"You shouldn't be here," Chad said through clenched teeth. "And who is it you've brought with you?"

"This is Jensen," Jared said, crossing his arms over his chest and Jensen thought he could see the tension rolling between the two friends. "And I had to come here, since you didn't want to meet up with me."

"I'm busy," Chad snapped defensively and Jensen couldn't hold back a sigh.

He had hoped, to the very last moment, that Chad had nothing to do with the kidnapping but every inch of Chad's posture was screaming _guilty_ and from the way Jared's shoulders slumped Jensen was sure he wasn't the only one realizing that.

"You know the case I'm working on, right, Chad?" Jared asked. "The missing boy?"

"You might have mentioned it, why?" Chad answered all too quickly.

"Because the mother was apparently a patron at Cole's," Jensen cut in when Jared remained silent. "And it seems she spent an evening talking to a guy named Chad there."

"Who the fuck are you?" Chad snarled. "You come here and-"

"Chad, _did_ you talk to her?" Jared cut in.

"I-"

Before Jared could get another word out the door rattled before it was pushed up ever so slightly and a small face looked out at them.

Jensen swallowed down his curse but Jared didn't manage and small eyes widened before the door was pulled shut again. The damage was done, though, and when Jensen looked over at Chad he saw that the man had turned pale under his tan, eyes squeezed shut.

"Jared."

The name was barely more than a whisper but it cut through the silence as if he had screamed, making Jared's gaze snap from the closed door and over to Chad.

"No," Jared said, shaking his head like he was trying to clear his mind. "Please tell me you didn't _kidnap a child_."

"I had to-"

"You fucking _had_ to?" Jared asked, voice rising higher and higher with each word. "That's someone's kid. You can't just- Jesus, what the fucking hell, Chad?"

Jensen looked over to the cottage and he saw a small face looking out at them from behind a curtain. The face was the same one that Jensen had stared at for hours while going through Jared's files.

"Like his mother cared," Chad snapped angrily. "She was in that bar every other night, leaving the kid alone at home and she fucking bragged about it. She even admitted to _hurting_ him. Saying he needed a lot of punishing. She was smart enough to not leave marks but...Jared… I couldn't leave the kid with her, don't you understand?"

The two friends stared at each other and Jensen saw Jared swallow, hands clenching and unclenching and he was almost surprised that Jared hadn't lashed out yet.

"That doesn't make it okay," Jared said, words bitten off and just as angry as Chad. "You know I was working on this case and you… You were that sure I wouldn't find you?"

"I just had to get him away," Chad said, taking a few steps away and running one hand through his already unruly hair. "He was suffering, Jay. And the kid’s dad? You know as well as I do that he only wants Ricky to get back at the mom. And you're just gonna give him back to them?"

 

"They're his parents," Jensen cut in.

Chad spun around, taking a quick step towards Jensen before stopping and Jensen had to force himself to not take a step back.

"Who the fuck are you to judge?" Chad almost snarled. "Kidnappers don't have to be bad, people don't get it! I was taken away from _good_ people and turned back to my mom. Do you know how much she cared about me? Not at fucking all, that's how much. I can give Ricky a home. A life. A family that actually cares, and you think I should just give him back to those people? Do you know what it did to me, getting returned to people like that?"

"Yes," Jensen said.

He knew all too well how things had turned out for Chad after he had been returned to his mother, Jensen had even felt cruel as he wrote about Chad's teenage years and the time before he and Jared found each other again. If Jared hadn't found Chad, Jensen was sure that Chad wouldn't have survived for much longer.

"What?" Chad said, frowning and looking back and forth between Jared and Jensen.

Jared remained silent and Jensen knew that it was not the right time to explain to Chad who he was, he doubted there would ever come a time like that. Instead he remained silent, hoping that either of the other two would say something.

"Chad," Jared said but there was something in his voice that made Jensen look over.

"You know, Jay," Chad said in a pleading tone. "You _know_ what it did to me. Hell, what it did to the both of us. You can't just give Ricky back to them. You can't do that to him. He's not me, he might not survive it."

Jensen looked back and forth between them and it took several long, silent moments before Jensen realized what was happening.

"You can't be considering this," he gasped, turning towards Jared.

He knew Jared, knew how important it was for him to see justice done and he couldn't believe that _his_ Jared was even contemplating going along with what Chad was suggesting. Jared wouldn't meet his gaze, looking at Chad, towards the cottage, the ground and anywhere that wasn't Jensen and that was answer enough.

"Jensen," Jared said but Jensen turned his back towards Jared and Chad, walking away.

The car was tempting, but he didn't have the key and he wanted more space between them. He heard Jared call out after him as he walked in between the trees, not even looking for a path and not stopping until he came across a narrow stream. Everything was wrong, so very wrong compared to how it had been in his book and for the first time Jensen realized how black and white his written world had been.

"This is not how it's supposed to be," Jensen mumbled to himself, sinking down on the ground and leaning back against a tree trunk.

He wished he was back in his own world, where there wasn't more than his apartment and a computer blinking at him, waiting for him to put words together into a story. At least there he knew what he was doing, even if what he was doing wasn't always what he wanted to be doing. And yet he had never felt as alive as he did when he was with Jared.

"Fuck," he groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

"Jen?"

Jared's voice startled him and Jensen looked up, seeing Jared standing between the trees, a few dry leaves stuck in his hair. Chad was nowhere to be seen and Jensen had gone deep enough into the woods that the house was out of sight.

"Leave me alone," Jensen sighed.

"No," Jared protested, taking a step forward. "We need to talk about this."

"Talk about it?" Jensen asked, looking up at Jared. "Talk about how you're thinking about leaving a kid with a _kidnapper_?"

Jared bit down on his lower lip, not answering but he walked over and sat down next to Jensen, ignoring of the dampness of the ground. Neither of them said a word at start, instead they sat looking out at the small river and Jensen wondered if Jared's head was as messed up as his own.

"What happened to Chad," Jared said finally, making Jensen look over at him. "Do you really want that to happen to Ricky? When we looked for him, it was to help him."

"And here I thought it had something to do with right and wrong, with justice."

Jensen could hear how hollow his own words sounded and he shut his eyes, pulling in deep breaths and trying to calm himself down.

"This is wrong, Jared," he said slowly. "You can't just take a kid for their own good."

"It's what CPS do all the time," Jared pointed out. "Although sometimes they don't, even when they should."

"Like with Ricky?"

Picking up a stick, Jensen twisted it back and forth between his fingers before tossing it into the stream, watching it splash and then disappear as the water carried it away.

"Mrs. Lowell cleans up every time she talks to authorities," Jared said with a sigh. "The dad? He's not into drugs but he's not into being a good parent either. There's no way Ricky will have a good childhood there. And you heard what Chad said. Just because there wasn't hospital records doesn't mean she didn't hurt Ricky. You wanna hand him back to her? I'm not sure I could live with myself, knowing that I sent him back to that."

Jensen laughed but it was a hollow sound, no real mirth behind it as cast a glance over towards Jared.

"It's still a question of right and wrong," Jensen pointed out.

"Is it?" Jared asked. "Because I think you know what's the right thing to do, although probably not the legal thing to do."

Several things slotted into place and Jensen let out a long sigh, shaking his head slowly.

"This is why you've been so against this case," he said, more to himself than to Jared. "A part of you hoped you'd never solve it. That wherever the boy was, he was happier. Goddammit. How could I be so blind? Hell, Chad could've come to you right away and you would've gone along with his plan."

"I don't know," Jared said. "I honestly don't know."

"Leave me alone," Jensen demanded.

He could see that Jared hesitated, hand raised as if he wanted to touch but he seemed to change his mind and instead he got up. Jensen watched as Jared brushed his pants as clean as possible and his eyes widened in surprise when Jared leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Jensen's head before he walked away. The barest touch of lips surprised Jensen, but he thought he knew why Jared felt the need for that small kiss. Jensen couldn't help but wonder if it was the last time Jared would kiss him.

Jensen _knew_ what was right to do, from a legal standpoint and yet he wasn't sure that was the thing he should be doing. He knew one thing though and that was that if he wanted to find an answer, then Jared and Chad weren't the ones he needed to talk to. Walking back towards the cottage Jensen realized just how far he had walked and he was impressed that Jared had managed to find him, but considering how often Jensen stumbled he probably left a rather easy trail to follow.

"Jensen."

He shouldn't have been surprised to find Jared waiting for him on the porch, but for some reason he was. Chad and Ricky were nowhere to be seen.

"I want to talk to the boy," Jensen said.

"What?"

"You heard me," Jensen said. "Don't… I need this, Jared. Fuck if I know what's going on in my head, but I need to talk to him."

Jared nodded and got up, opening the door and holding it open for Jensen. For a moment Jensen thought he should just ask Jared to bring the boy outside but then he changed his mind and followed Jared inside. The cottage wasn't what he had expected, not with the way Jared had talked about it. The place was far from fancy, worn wallpapers and scratches on the floor, but it was clean and tidy and several toys were gathered in a box in the corner. Chad stood up when they stepped inside, Ricky still sitting on the couch and playing with a small, black toy car.

"What do you want?" Chad asked and Jensen was sure that had Ricky not been there, Chad's language would have been a lot fouler.

"Can I have a few words with Ricky? Please?" Jensen asked.

In the corner of his eye he saw Jared nod and Chad leaned down, mumbling a few words to Ricky before he followed Jared outside. Ricky looked up at him, big brown eyes and to Jensen's surprise the boy didn't look scared or worried.

"Chad says I should listen to you," Ricky said as his little car drove back and forth over the couch cushions.

"You like Chad?" Jensen asked, sitting down on the armrest and looking at the boy.

Ricky nodded eagerly, holding up the car for Jensen to see the tiny Chevrolet Impala replica.

"He gave me this," Ricky explained. "I've never had toys before."

Jensen's next question died on his tongue at those words and he could only watch as Ricky jumped down from the couch and moved over to the box, pulling a teddy bear free from the other toys and walking back to the couch.

"And this," Ricky said. "Chad even says Santa might come at Christmas."

The boy sounded so thrilled at the possibility that Jensen almost felt bad for managing to get his question out.

"Don't you miss your mom?"

Ricky's smile fell a bit and he clenched the toy closer to his chest, burying his face in brown fur and Jensen knelt down beside the boy.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Mom is…" Ricky started but then he fell silent, pouting slightly and shrugging. "Chad is here."

"Well, Chad is outside," Jensen started but he was quickly interrupted.

"No! Chad is here. At night," Ricky explained. "I'm not alone. And Chad never hurts me. I don't like getting hurt. Don't wanna go back."

And there was the answer, laid out bare for him and Jensen knew in that moment that there was only one way things could go. Jensen remained sitting next to Ricky, talking to the boy for a few minutes later before he stood and walked back outside to where Chad and Jared were waiting.

"This goes against everything I believe in," Jensen said, shutting the door behind him. "But… Fuck. I can't do that to him. I'll keep your secret."

Chad breathed out an almost explosive breath, leaning forward with his hands on his knees and Jensen thought he could see tears on the man's face. The next second Jared's arms were wrapped around him, tight enough that he could barely breathe and Jensen clung to him, not pulling back when the door opened again and Ricky came outside, running into Chad's arms when he held them open.

"Can we go home?" Jensen asked.

He didn't understand the way Jared went still for a moment, but then he felt Jared nod and after a quick goodbye to Chad and Ricky they made their way to the car.

-¤-

"Beer? Coffee? Tea?" Jared asked when Jensen sank down on the couch.

"Beer."

He shifted to the side when Jared returned, two cold bottles in his hand and Jared took the spot beside him. At first there was a few inches between them, but while neither of them broke the silence, Jared moved closer until their thighs were pressed together.

"Are you okay?" Jared asked.

"No," Jensen admitted. "He'll be happy, won't he?"

Jared shrugged and put the beer down on the table, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

"You know I can't tell you that," Jared said. "I hope so? I think he has better chances with Chad. And I think you know that, or you wouldn't have agreed on this. And hey, this way you and I can visit him at times and check how he's doing."

That made Jensen's head jerk to the side, looking over at Jared and thinking over what Jared had just said. In all honesty, he hadn't thought about sticking around but when Jared laid the option bare before him it was all that Jensen could think of.

"You're telling me to stay here," Jensen said. "I'm nobody here."

"Jensen," Jared said in a serious tone. "We have no idea how to get you back. Or why you're here to begin with. You can't focus on that when we have no clues. Stay here, be happy."

"You make it sound so easy."

Jared pulled the beer bottle from Jensen's hand, setting it down beside his own and turning to face Jensen. One big hand came down to rest on Jensen's knee, a soothing touch that made the corners of Jensen's mouth pull up despite of himself.

"I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy," Jared said, leaning in until Jensen could feel warm breath against his lips. "But I kinda like having you here."

Jensen leaned in to the kiss, feeling Jared's soft lips move against his own and a lot of the tension weighing him down had faded by the time Jared pulled back and reached for his beer once more. He thought of the lonely apartment back in his own world and he thought of how little he knew about what could have brought him to Jared. Getting back to his own world would mean losing Jared, and gaining…

"I guess it'd be be nice to see Ricky grow up," Jensen said hesitantly. "And I guess I could write here as well."

Jared said nothing but he wrapped one arm around Jensen's shoulders and they sank back into the couch and Jensen was amazed by how well he fit under Jared's arm and how right it all felt. No matter what he thought he would never truly give up wondering how he ended up in a world that shouldn't exist, but he was starting to think he was right where he belonged.

**-[ Masterpost](http://alycat.livejournal.com/88871.html) \- [Art Masterpost ](http://expectative.livejournal.com/55840.html)\- **


End file.
